Guest Columnist Shari Leskowitz, itinerant deadbeat, unwisely spending all her money, but believing it’s worth it.

After enjoying a lovely New England autumn and winter already wearing long and thin, housebound and working on hard shit, I decided to take a little tropical vacation, to visit the lovely owners of this blog. A frequent reader, though inconsistent commenter, I was still awarded the privilege of writing a guest column. I’ll pretend it’s because they’re so eager to hear my perspective on their city, rather than the fact that they are both sick and incapable at this time of of writing their own update. (*to those who may worry, these are most likely minor and curable illnesses and not Dengue or Yellow Fever, and probably not a plague or parasite, though we have just returned from the jungle. Diagnoses to be posted soon) ***Update*** Greg has rallied and written his own post, coming soon. He is diagnosed with tonsillitis, I have afternoon nausea (probably altitude sickness), and Becca has persistent headaches caused by severe irritation due to the rampant male chauvinism in this city.

It wasn’t always this way. We began the visit strong. I had taken a 10-hour night bus from the airport in the capitol city to get to Cuenca, and arrived exhausted in the morning. Becca met me at the station, and whisked me home to immediately begin the fun. Apparently we would be attending a fundraiser dinner that night to benefit a friend’s church, and we needed semiformal attire. Off to the mall, as all I had packed were tank tops and jeans. We partied the night away, me groggily, slightly confused, and with little to no communication skills.

The next two days were of constant activity, mostly following Becca around: to her client’s therapy session, marketplace shopping, dropping off humane education curriculum at the vet, etc. On Saturday we participated in the weekly “kidnapping” perpetrated by their landlords, essentially a 12-hour day trip in their SUV to destinations unknown. We sit clueless in the back, not knowing what the hell is going on, and when we end up at a race car track, we act pleased. The day continued with what they called a “pool party” at a random public pool, and then at night a party for Carnival in a parking lot. Oh it’s not over. We go to the disco, weirdly located back at the race track, and dance amidst shaving-cream splattered Carnival revelers.

The excitement just doesn’t quit; we’re off to the Amazon two days later. I will let B&G cover that account, and instead leave you with a brief and non-academic anthropological comparison of two cities in which I have recently resided: Cuenca, Ecuador, and Needham, Massachusetts, USA. For those who don’t know Needham, picture the quintessential New England suburb- boring, white, and a long way from Cuenca.

Cuenca vs. Needham

Swaddled babies vs. coddled babies

Capybayras vs. cats

Weaving vs. Walmart

Hippie tourists vs. no

Machine-gun armed guards at banks vs. no

Threat of malaria vs. threat of malaise

Brown people vs. pasty people

Homogenous population vs. homogenous population

Insane drivers vs. massholes

Colonial architecture (Spanish, 1500s) vs. Colonial architecture (Puritans, 1700s)

Slim pickings for cute cafes and good coffee vs. Ditto

Racism vs. Ditto

Cute town vs. square same

Gorgeous stained glass cathedrals vs. WASP churches

Situated in the Andes vs. no

Ancient Indigenous culture alive and well vs. lots of retirement homes

Hipster sightings rare vs. same

Guinea pig for family dinner vs. guinea pig for family pet

***UPDATE***

On my last weekend in town, I got to witness an extremely entertaining event: salsa lessons for B&G. I'll just leave you with this, and you can picture the rest: Greg looked like he was playing soccer, and Becca looked like she was in a marching band.